And…we’re baaaack!

Nearly ten years ago I went to a wedding of a dear friend from high school. While driving home from Idaho Falls to Jackson Hole, I decided I wanted to do a project about my generation.

I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING.

It was an experiment.

From late September 2011 to March 2012 I was able to collaborate with incredible people, in places I’d been or dreamed about going.

I talked/stayed with/wrote to/spoke with family, friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, strangers and learned about people’s shared experiences, dreams, past memories.

There was support. So much support. There was the Indiegogo campaign, the NEA grant, the texts, emails, calls, letters, home stays, meals…I still feel that though the project very much started with me, it quickly became something much bigger which gave me so much inspiration (I used that word a lot!) to spend basically all of my time consumed in it.

The project brought me to understand the world and myself on an exceptional level and I have been forever changed by what transpired in that time.

The project brought me to my knees. I was optimistic and unrealistic about what it would take to sustain the ambitions of the work I had hoped to do.

I imagined doing more and more of the one-off shows, all over the world. I envisioned a platform which connected people of our generation, through nostalgia and performance but also through opportunities for understanding each other’s story.

Still shining!

Following the highs of a performances and collaborations in Europe and the States, I returned full of hyper adrenalined, spiky-sharp focus to continue with the work. My student loans were looming, my credit card were beckoning but I decided to dedicate ALL OF MY TIME writing grants and searching for funding. I knew that things were coming together perfectly.

I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING

A year after returning from that glorious tour, I was filled with shame. I had no money, I was exhausted and felt like I’d not only failed myself but the people who had believed in me, especially the people I had so much wanted to “inspire”. Looking back, that in itself was really too ambitious and I’m actually kind of embarrassed about how much I overused that word!

I loved so much about project1979. I couldn’t let it go, even though for the past eight years it has been very dormant. The Facebook page and blog continued to exist, collecting dust – barely beating hearts I could not let go of. What had brought me to start the project in the first place – connecting to the stories of people of my generation and enjoying the unfolding of that, with or without money or success – never died. Each day of the workweek Google reminds me of the scheduled blogposts I planned in 2012. I never could bring myself to delete them. Every Friday for the last eight years I have got the reminder to write a “Be Inspired” post though I have not written any post, of any theme since my 40th birthday which is soon so have been two years ago.

I felt frozen in shame but in the last few months I’ve had a few synchronicities, interactions, messages and a few days ago I was ready to revisit this very beautiful experiment/performance/storytelling project. I never lost the love for why I started things.

I don’t believe this is a kind of “pick up from where you left off” kind of thing. We’ve changed. The world has changed. More babies and partnerships and jobs and shifts and elections and loss and evolution. I look forward to how things evolve in the next year. It will definitely be an experience.

It will most certainly be an experiment.

Stay tuned!

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